i'll have what she's having

[beyoncepadthai]

So, Mindy's last birthday went uncharacteristically uncelebrated. Of course, she shopped and drank and all of that, but this year she's more than in a partying mood and has more than enough invitees to put something on without seeming like a total loser.

Deciding to mix things up, Mindy's rented out a cool seat-reclining, wine and dine theater at High Street mall, splurged on snacks and booze and arranged for a viewing of her favorite film. Of course there are a bunch of cool new releases she could let her guests enjoy, but it's her birthday, and this is one way she can force everyone she knows to watch the wonder that is literally anything Nora Ephron.

She can hear Danny's whining already, and she couldn't care less.

What she can't help but care about is what Danny once said to her back in New York, his cruel reminder to her that she wasn't getting any younger, the promise of a hot husband and adorable children ticking away. She's all the more conscious of it this week, especially after freaking out momentarily thinking that Luke might have already moved on.

The right decision or not, a real relationship or not, it's one more shot at a future that she's managed to screw up.

Hence, the alcohol. Dressed to impress, Mindy arrives early to get her start on a super strong and super fruity cocktail while she waits for her first guests to turn up.

[Set to the night of the 20th of June at one of the fancier theaters at High Street Mall. From 8-ish cocktails (+ beer and wine) and finger food will be served in the bar area, and then the movie (viewable on YT, if you are so inclined) will be starting at 8:30. Tag Mindy, tag around, before or after the film. ENJOY.]

Comments

[youfeelluckypunk]

Luke isn't wrong, though Reid plans on somehow getting his friend back for leaving out just how incredibly awkward the scene in question had been, especially in a room full of people he's never met. More specifically, next to the first person who's made Reid's cheeks feel like they might just overheat for the first time in a long time because honestly, it's not the scene itself that has him flushing now. Reid isn't really in the business of caring what other people think of him and even if he were, there isn't anybody in this theater but Luke who's paying the slightest bit of attention to him or his reaction.

"Interesting," Reid mutters, shaking his head though the amused grin he's holding back is obvious enough if Luke is looking for it. "Couldn't have given me a little more warning than that?" His tone has already taken on a teasing edge to it, and he chuckles softly to himself while the laughter and catcalls around them start to die down as the rest of the theater carries on watching the film. Reid, though, can't help but turn his eyes back to Luke that might be considered a little too fond.

He still doesn't know how to make sense of what he's been feeling. It's only been about a month since they'd met but they've grown closer as friends in that time than Reid has grown to some people in the span of years. He realizes that means very little in the grand scheme of things, at least when it comes to the less platonic feelings he's been having, but it's still something so enormously important to him because Reid has never been the type to voluntarily socialize. Once he's out somewhere, he tends to be fine, if not a little nervous at first, but he's rarely the one to suggest an outing. When he's out with the team, he has something to fall back on, existing friends who won't give him too hard a time for coming back to them with his tail between his legs after being dismissed for talking too much again.

Luke's invitation to the party tonight had been different because they haven't known each other that long. Luke hadn't invited Reid out of obligation, he'd done it because he wanted to and as much as Reid would like to read more deeply into that, he forces himself to stop because he's certain that the only thing waiting for him at the end of that path would be disappointment. He's perfectly happy being Luke's friend, that's not even a question. The problem lies more in what it is he's meant to do if his growing feelings for Luke become too big to ignore.

[notaretriever]

"Imaging having to watch that scene with a twelve-year-old girl and then having to explain to her what was going on," Luke answers with a soft laugh, one he does his best to keep under his breath so as not to disturb anyone else. He still remembers how awkward it had been, looking to Jocelyn for help only to have her gesture in a manner that clearly meant go ahead and he supposes that had been a fair enough response. He had been the one to pick the movie, after all, he'd been the one who had thought it would be a cute, funny movie for the three of them to watch together. Having Clary ask what was going on in that scene had been the last thing he had expected for some reason and trying to explain that to her had been interesting, to say the least.

"At least you're not staring at me all wide-eyed and asking me what just happened," he adds, glancing over at Reid, still smiling in amusement. It's not a terrible memory, not by far, but that had been one of the first times Luke had really been aware just how heavy a hand he'd had in raising Clary. How much he treated her like his own and he still doesn't know what Jocelyn thought of that, but he's slowly come to the realization that she can think whatever she likes. That doesn't make Clary any less his.

They're quiet for awhile, the movie still playing, and Luke glances over at Reid from time to time, distracted from the film itself by his friend sitting so close to him. The rest of the audience sort of fades away and he's aware they're there, he even looks at them from time to time, looking for a familiar face or two, but mostly his focus is on Reid. As far as Luke is concerned, he's the only other person in this theatre, the light from the movie playing across his features as it continues.

He can't compare Reid to anyone else, but he remembers moments like this with other people. Watching Jocelyn as she painted, the way her hands moved so smoothly. Watching Valentine train, how good he was with every weapon he ever picked up. Watching Alaric, the way he moved around the abandoned police station, shifting from person to person, checking on the new, young wolves to make sure they were okay. He's watching Reid like that now, the shift of his features, the way his expressions change.

He's fascinating to watch. Attractive, yes, but it's so much more than just that for Luke. There's something in the way he holds himself, in the slight squint of his eyes when something happens on the screen. Luke can't look away and he finally has to force himself, worried he's been caught.

[youfeelluckypunk]

"Actually, I'd rather not have to imagine that, if it's all the same to you," Reid teases, and it's like he's physically incapable of pulling back the massive grin on his face that comes with the thought of Luke awkwardly trying to explain to a young girl why Meg Ryan was screaming and practically convulsing in her chair. He doesn't know what Clary looks like but purely because he knows Luke considers her his own daughter (in spite of the fact that Clary wouldn't look like him because biologically, she's not), Reid imagines long, dark curly hair and wide, hazel eyes staring expectantly and curiously up at this man who had likely stammered his way through what it means to have an orgasm.

"And you never know," he continues, leaning the slightest bit closer toward Luke as he meets his friend's eyes, "maybe I definitely need you to tell me what just happened, if only because I'd love to hear your version of it." He ducks his head then, covering his mouth with his hand for a moment to muffle the soft laughter that briefly shakes his shoulders. "You know, when I was twelve, I knew exactly how the reproductive system worked but my mom still insisted that I was dropped off to her by a giant stork. I think it was the only thing she could let herself hold onto when it came to preserving my childhood because everything else was so... unusual." He pauses, shrugging a shoulder. "Anyway, I never got the birds-and-bees talk from her, which I should probably just be grateful for. I've heard some horror stories about parental sex talks."

It's just one more thing he hadn't had as a kid because he hadn't really needed it, and Reid has no regrets or resentment about that. For the most part, his mom, in spite of her increasingly recurrent episodes as he'd grown older, had always made it known that she loved him. Reid has never doubted it, even when she'd screamed at him through her worst episodes that she wanted to kill herself, that she couldn't stand to live for another second, because all of that had been difficult and taken its toll but in the end, she was still his mother.

He'd lost count of how many times she'd apologized for the things she'd said under her duress, but he'd always told her she didn't need to, only that she needed to accept that she wouldn't get better without help. Sometimes that would set her off again, sometimes she'd agree without taking action, and sometimes she'd just break down crying; but Reid had known what he had to do, and he'll never stop believing that he'd done the right thing by having her admitted to Bennington.

It takes him a moment to shake himself from his thoughts, only to realize that the lights in the theater have come up as the credits start to roll, and he turns his head to find Luke studying him. Rather, trying not to look like he's been studying him, and Reid is glad that the lights are still dim because he can feel his cheeks reddening from having gotten so lost in memory. He clears his throat, leaning forward a bit to stretch his arms out before bringing a hand to rub at the back of his neck.

"Did I zone out a little?" he asks, figuring it'd be better to acknowledge it than bury it. "Sorry, I was just... I was thinking about my mom, that's all." He hesitates, unsure of whether it's appropriate to continue with what he wants to say but then again, there's no real harm in it. If Luke declines, Reid will understand. "I don't know if there's anything that's supposed to be going on after this, I know it's your friend's birthday... but if you want, we could go grab something to eat?" He bites back a laugh. "I won't even ask you to recreate what we saw in the movie."

[notaretriever]

It's astonishing to Luke that he can feel so comfortable around someone and so completely out of his element at the same time, but it's been the case with Reid almost right from the start. Just being around him, listening to him speak, learning about all the things he knows and hearing about all his experiences, it's one of the places he feels most content no matter what else is going on around him. But then he becomes painfully aware of how deeply attracted he's grown to his friend, too, and there is a part of Luke that starts to panic. It isn't that he doesn't want to be attracted to him, but he's spent so little of his life being really aware of his own sexuality that it comes as something of a surprise to him. Something he isn't sure what to do with.

He remembers being attracted to men, he knows it's happened to him. There was Valentine, of course, but he had known with absolute certainty that ever trying to pursue something there would have been an incredible mistake. And there was Alaric, yet another man he had been so uncertain around. He'd been their leader, Alaric had insisted on calling him sir for weeks until Luke had finally gotten him out of the habit. Even then he hadn't really known what to do with himself or the situation and then it had been too late. He doesn't want it to be too late here, but for someone who's spent his entire life in love with one woman, it's a sticky situation to be navigating.

But when the lights come up, he realizes he's not ready for the evening to be over and he's about to gather his courage, open his mouth and ask Reid if he would like to get some dinner when his friend takes the initiative and does it himself. Luke laughs, feeling a warmth creeping up the back of his neck at Reid's joke, although it doesn't make him uncomfortable. It just sort of stirs something in him, something that's been left ignored for the better part of his life and he grins, almost looking shy.

"No, it's alright," he says, looking around the theatre. "Mindy will be busy for the rest of the night I expect." He can see Danny standing with her and he nods in their direction, trying to keep his movements subtle as he and Reid head for the door. "I'm fairly certain the two of them are deeply in love with each other and are refusing to admit it. They're from the same place before here and neither of them have ever actually said anything, but it seems fairly obvious to me." It's in the way they look at each other. He knows he looks at Jocelyn in the same way.

Now and then he feels like he's starting to look at Reid in that manner as well. He tries to reign it in, but it's difficult, the urge to just glance over at him and smile.

[youfeelluckypunk]

Reid follows Luke's gaze to where Mindy is standing with a man he hasn't met, though he hasn't met a lot of people in Darrow and his time has been quite limited to trying to prove himself worthy of a job to the Darrow Chief of Police and making a concentrated effort on being around Luke.

He wouldn't necessarily blame his job for his lack of friendships outside of the BAU back home, he'd kept himself unintentionally alienated all on his own, but immersing himself in the world of profiling serial killers has never really allowed for much of a social life. He knows that had put a strain on Hotch's marriage, occasionally even on JJ's, and before Maeve had been killed, he'd briefly toyed with the idea of reducing his role with the FBI before remembering that his had been a job he could never leave. Not voluntarily, at least.

Even Gideon had returned after a long absence, after all, never mind the fact that he'd left a second time. That should be a strong indication, really, of how much of a toll the job can take on those who throw themselves into it, like Gideon had, like Reid had; but he supposes that's not something he hasn't to worry about anymore. The only reason he can spend this much time with Luke now is because he just barely has a job and frankly, as long as Luke doesn't mind his coming around, Reid won't complain about how little he has to do so far as a supposed Darrow PD consultant.

"I've never had the chance to look at someone like that," he says, his voice gone soft, and his cheeks would be flushing right about now if he hadn't already gotten lost in a web of 'what ifs' for the life he'd left behind. "I've only been in love once, and it-- Well, it didn't end well. I guess it was nice, in a way, to know my feelings were returned but if it meant we would have had longer with each other, I would've taken the uncertainty, too."

Reid feels that uncertainty here, now, with Luke. Things between him and Maeve had taken a few months before they'd reached that level of easy comfort with each other and when she'd told him she loved him for the first time, the only reason he hadn't been able to say it back quickly enough had been because he was so stunned that anyone could love him. He'd fallen for her already, had been in love with her nearly from the start, but he somehow hadn't anticipated her to feel the same way about him. The same goes for Luke, in the sense that Reid is so in awe of how incredible a friend he's managed to gain but at the same time is so desperately afraid of what might become of this friendship if he were ever to gain the courage to say what he wants to say.

Luke might not even be interested in men, and Reid wishes he could outright ask one way or another because it'd either make things much easier or much more complicated but at least he wouldn't be drifting in this limbo that has him overanalyzing everything Luke says or or the way Luke looks at him or anything that could possibly be construed as more than friendship. So far, he's come up with nothing that could tell him that Luke even remotely thinks the same way of him, and Reid thinks he should probably let that be enough but he can't stop. He can't stop this growing attraction, and he doesn't know what to do about it beyond continuing on as they are--as friends. It's better than not having Luke in his life at all.

Narrowing his eyes, he looks over at Luke, smiling in spite of himself. "That sounded much more self-pitying than I meant it to," he says, and he considers telling Luke about Maeve but decides against it. Right now, he doesn't want to dwell on that unhappy memory, not on a night like this that's supposed to be about celebration. "I've never really been good at knowing whether people are flirting unless someone spells it out for me, but I'm great at seeing it in others and I think you're right. There's something between them. Sometimes people just need a nudge."

[notaretriever]

"Well, it's not as if I'm known for my prowess," Luke says with a laugh when Reid says it sounds self-pitying. He doesn't think that's the case at all, he doesn't disagree with the statement whatsoever. Knowing full well he could never be with her in the manner in which he wanted, he'd still spent years with Jocelyn, doing everything he could to continue being by her side, taking her daughter to school, help everywhere he knew how. Being able to be there with her, being her friend, even though he had to combat his feelings for her every single day, that had all been preferable than not having her at all. It's a little embarrassing to admit, but after leaving Idris, Luke has never really had that many friends. So much of his life had been focused on Jocelyn and Clary to the point where his own social life had certainly suffered and yet he had never once felt that he was missing out on anything. It wasn't until Darrow, where he had begun to make real friends again, that he realized how his life could have been.

He very carefully notes that Reid doesn't mention if the person he was in love with was a man or woman and Luke's nose wrinkles slightly as they make their way out of the theatre and he tries to decide if there's a way to talk about Jocelyn without closing any doors here. It seems only fair, an exchange of information, that's what friends do, but even now, after all these years, he doesn't really know how to talk about Jocelyn. She's his best friend, the person who knows the most about him, and yet there has always been this one subject between the two of them that they've never been able to touch. She never asks if he's dating because she knows he isn't and to acknowledge that would be to acknowledge there's something else going on. They've done their best to ignore it from the moment she had declined his proposal and in general he thinks they've succeeded rather well, but he's always wondered if it would have been quite so easy had Clary not been around. Doing things for a child always seems to make hardship seem just a little less hard.

"I've only ever been in love once," he says, starting to tell the story without even realizing he's going to. The words are out now, though, he can't take them back and he doesn't think he would want to even if he could. There had been other relationships through the years -- one serious, one very brief -- but he's never loved anyone in the way he's always loved Jocelyn. "It... we were best friends for a very long time. From the time we were children. When I finally worked up the nerve to... to say something, it... we... it wasn't reciprocated." He knows he's stumbled his way through that story, stammered, trailed off and started up again several times which isn't usually like him. For a man who's relatively calm and quiet most of the time, Luke knows he's generally well-spoken and very rarely nervous about the words he's saying. But it's different with Reid. Everything is different with Reid. Not to mention telling the story of how he had asked his best friend to marry him only to have her turn him down as gently as possible isn't exactly the most cheerful memory he has in his possession.

"We managed to stay friends," he says as they exit the theatre. The night air is warm and faintly humid and Luke inhales deeply, taking in the scents of the night. He does it without thinking, then shoots Reid a faintly sheepish smile, realizing what he's done. To someone else it might not seem like much, but Reid knows what he is, he can probably make a fairly good guess as to what Luke is doing with his head tipped up slightly, breathing deeply. "It wasn't always easy," he continues without saying anything about the fact that he'd been scenting the air. "But we managed. It was preferable to the alternative. To losing a friend, someone I had known my entire life. I just didn't think I would be able to deal with that, so I dealt with it all as best I could."

And it had been worth it. For Jocelyn, of course, but also for Clary. More than anything, it had been worth it for Clary.

[youfeelluckypunk]

Reid catches himself before he can say what he's thinking, that he can't imagine Luke falling in love with anyone who could be so blind as to what's in front of her.

(At least, Reid assumes the person Luke's talking about is a her, if only because thinking of his friend as unattainable is the only thing that's really going to help him keep himself in check when it comes to admitting things he might regret in the future.)

Instead, he manages to swallow his words, keeping his eyes fixed forward as they walk past a few people Reid recognizes from inside milling around outside, most of them puffing on cigarettes, and he wrinkles his nose at the smell of the smoke as he can't help but let himself think that each of those people are losing six minutes of their lives right now.

That's six minutes less that I get to spend with you.

He'd used that line on his mom in an effort to get her to stop smoking more times than he'd bothered to keep track of, though it'd never actually worked. Not that it matters now, he supposes, and it hadn't even mattered at all once he'd had her committed. Six minutes had quickly turned into six months and by the time he'd joined the BAU, Reid had only gone to see her six times over the course of nearly four years. He'd written his daily letters to her because that had been the only thing he could think of to make him feel less guilty about how reluctant he was to see her, a reluctance that had stemmed from his fear of ending up in the same place he'd put her.

He lets these thoughts distract him from how badly he wants to tell Luke that if there were ever to be a sign that something more than friendship could develop between them, it would absolutely be reciprocated. There's no room for that conversation here, though, not when they're talking about former loves and losses, and he doesn't know how he'd become someone Luke could trust with that kind of thing, but it actually feels surprisingly good. He'd told Garcia once that he thinks people tell him their secrets so easily because they know he has nobody to betray them to. The only person he'd ever told of any secrets he'd known had been his mom, via letters Reid had known she'd read and likely forget.

But he doesn't believe that's the case with Luke. This is the first time he's ever been so confident in a connection with someone that he doesn't even think twice when it comes to spending time with Luke. When he pops into the store unannounced, he doesn't worry that Luke won't want him there because it's already been made clear to him that his presence is welcome without any hint of obligation.

It's a little strange, but Reid likes it and doesn't want to compromise it.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out between the two of you," he says, smiling back faintly, though it fades again as he watches Luke tilt his head back. He can't take his eyes off him, the curve of his throat and the length of Luke's lashes that are made all the more evident in the way his eyes flutter shut as he breathes in deep. It makes Reid want to step closer to him, to ask for just one chance to see if there's anything more than strictly platonic between them; but no compromising, he reminds himself, and so the moment passes.

"The first relationship I had was like that, in a way," Reid says, and he doesn't know why he's talking about Ethan when the only time he's ever talked to someone about Ethan was a mumbled admission to Gideon that the night he'd spent away from his job while they'd been in New Orleans hadn't been spent alone. "We weren't in love, but I thought we could be. We shared a lot of--"

He hesitates before pushing through it because if there's anyone he feels comfortable enough talking to about this, it's Luke, regardless of how confused he is by his own feelings for his friend. "We shared a lot of firsts together. But when it came down to it, there wasn't a mutual desire for more. We didn't stay friends, though, not really. We've only seen each other once since we broke up but at the very least, we managed to be... friendly."

[notaretriever]

"I don't think it's very easy," he says, catching the scent of what he's sure is an especially good pizza place and he steers them in that direction without thinking. If they arrive and Reid says he wants something else, Luke will be more than happy to keep moving, but he smells the sauce and the cheese and his stomach tells him to head in that direction, so he obeys. There are a fair number of stereotypes about werewolves that had proven to be true after he'd been bitten, and the fact that he needs to eat significantly more in general than the average person is the one that annoys him more than most others. He can handle the heightened sensations, he can handle being able to identify people by scent, hearing their heartbeats, being slightly more in tune to their emotions. He can even handle turning on the full moon and having to lock himself up. But the cost of feeding himself in a city is ridiculous, though no more than if he were feeding a small family, he supposes.

"Staying friends after something like that, I mean," he continues, realizing he's left the statement hanging. "Being rejected is difficult enough, but to have tried something only to feel it crumble... well, it takes a lot of strength just to remain friendly, even if you don't remain friends, but I'm also of the belief that it usually can be quite worthwhile to at least make the attempt. If you care about someone enough to have developed any kind of romantic feelings for them beyond simply physical, they must be someone worth spending more time with." And while he knows the physical aspects can certainly be difficult to ignore, especially for a werewolf, especially nearing the full moon, he also knows he's capable of it.

Lately he thinks it's lucky he's had such great practice with it, especially tonight, with the full moon less than a week behind them. It isn't so bad now, he's more or less recovered from it, but there are difficult times when it feels like all he can smell and hear is Reid. Pressing in on him from every angel, reminding him of what he wants but can't have. The full moon makes it a little easier, too, to convince himself maybe he can have it, but Luke ignores that part of him and it isn't that he doesn't want Reid, but he knows what he's like when the full moon is near isn't entirely himself. A lot of that is the wolf and he knows he and the wolf are one and the same, but he also still needs to control that side of him.

"The only relationship I've ever been in had been another werewolf," he admits and then realizes if he has any hope of something progressing with Reid, he has to be honest with him. "And... I suppose Mindy. It was... brief. It didn't last long. I realized fairly early on that there was someone else she wanted and ended it. I'm sorry, I probably should have told you that before I invited you tonight."

The way he says it makes it sound as if he'd invited Reid on a date and he wrinkles his nose slightly, looking down at the ground as they walk, feeling faintly embarrassed. Maybe he hadn't owed Reid any explanation as to what Mindy had once been to him, but it's not the sort of thing he wants to have come up later and for it to look as if he'd kept it from Reid on purpose. "We're much better as friends," he adds a second later, looking up at Reid and chancing a smile. "And she's in love with Danny, which hopefully works out for everyone involved."