Luke can feel Reid's gaze on him like a physical thing, a weight upon his shoulders, his jaw, the way his fingers are all but pressing into the arms of his seat. He feels it and he enjoys it. He doesn't want it to stop, but he doesn't know how to say this either. Briefly he finds himself thinking of Clary, the way she had looked at him when she had realized his feeling for Jocelyn, the way it had all seemed so simple to her. Just tell her, she'd said. You love her, just tell her how you feel. He remembers the way he'd looked back at her across the seat of his truck, how grateful he'd felt that she didn't yet know this and how sad he'd been that she would one day learn. And then he'd smiled and said, Sometimes, Clary, love just isn't enough.
Nothing is as easy as she would have him believe, not even this. There are so many things that could complicate this relationship, the fact that he's a werewolf being just the tip of the iceberg. There are a thousand reasons for him to not do anything, to just satisfy himself with Reid's friendship as he'd satisfied himself with Jocelyn's friendship for all those years, and he knows if he were to say something like that to Clary -- or Caroline, he thinks with amusement -- she would have a thing or two to say in response. She loves so freely, too freely, in Luke's opinion, just like Jocelyn had all those years ago and it frightens him. Love like that gets people hurt. It gets their hearts broken.
Sometimes it does things far worse. He doesn't believe Reid would hurt him the way Valentine hurt him. He doesn't believe some horrible secret is going to come out and hurt them irreparably the way it had with Jace and Clary, but he also knows he doesn't do anything halfway. He remembers sitting beside Mindy, telling her he knows he's likely never going to get married and have a family, but that doesn't stop him from wanting it. He wants to be with someone who wants only him, he wants to be loved and casual is not the way to go about finding that. Whatever he does here, whatever advances he might one day make, that much will have to be clear to Reid. Luke's long since over the desire for something casual, something fun.
"It's not foreboding," he says as the scene begins and he throws a glance in Reid's direction, an amused smile curling his lips. His fingers twitch against the material of his seat as he imagines himself reaching out, curling his hand around the back of Reid's neck and pulling him closer. It's not something he can allow himself to do, not now, not here, not when they practically have an audience, though he's paid little attention to anyone else in the theatre since they sat down. So far no one has yelled at him for talking during the movie, but he can hear Mindy talking to people, too, so he doesn't think she'll mind.
"I promise, it's interesting," he insists, just as Meg Ryan starts her scene, and he has another memory of Clary, of trying to explain this scene to her after they had watched it for the first time. She'd been only ten at the time and he had struggled through an explanation as Jocelyn had watched in amusement.
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Nothing is as easy as she would have him believe, not even this. There are so many things that could complicate this relationship, the fact that he's a werewolf being just the tip of the iceberg. There are a thousand reasons for him to not do anything, to just satisfy himself with Reid's friendship as he'd satisfied himself with Jocelyn's friendship for all those years, and he knows if he were to say something like that to Clary -- or Caroline, he thinks with amusement -- she would have a thing or two to say in response. She loves so freely, too freely, in Luke's opinion, just like Jocelyn had all those years ago and it frightens him. Love like that gets people hurt. It gets their hearts broken.
Sometimes it does things far worse. He doesn't believe Reid would hurt him the way Valentine hurt him. He doesn't believe some horrible secret is going to come out and hurt them irreparably the way it had with Jace and Clary, but he also knows he doesn't do anything halfway. He remembers sitting beside Mindy, telling her he knows he's likely never going to get married and have a family, but that doesn't stop him from wanting it. He wants to be with someone who wants only him, he wants to be loved and casual is not the way to go about finding that. Whatever he does here, whatever advances he might one day make, that much will have to be clear to Reid. Luke's long since over the desire for something casual, something fun.
"It's not foreboding," he says as the scene begins and he throws a glance in Reid's direction, an amused smile curling his lips. His fingers twitch against the material of his seat as he imagines himself reaching out, curling his hand around the back of Reid's neck and pulling him closer. It's not something he can allow himself to do, not now, not here, not when they practically have an audience, though he's paid little attention to anyone else in the theatre since they sat down. So far no one has yelled at him for talking during the movie, but he can hear Mindy talking to people, too, so he doesn't think she'll mind.
"I promise, it's interesting," he insists, just as Meg Ryan starts her scene, and he has another memory of Clary, of trying to explain this scene to her after they had watched it for the first time. She'd been only ten at the time and he had struggled through an explanation as Jocelyn had watched in amusement.